My mood
hasn’t been so good lately. Is it the lack of exercise? Is it the stress of
school deadlines approaching? Is it a social life deficiency? Is it
expectations of my time here falling short? Am I actually learning anything
here?
My last 2
dedicated exercise times were May 3 and May 18.
I did ride a bike for a while in Hamburg on the 31, so that’s 3 workouts
in 1 month. The rest of the time I’m sitting on my ass at home or in the design
studio. No, I went to the climbing gym May 24. Still, I think I need more. The
problem: I’ve told myself to go running almost every day, yet it hasn’t
happened. I’m too tired. I just ate. I’m hungry. It’s late. I need to sleep in.
I have too much work to do. I have too
many excuses that always win. My eating hasn’t changed, and I can tell by how I
look that I’m not where I want to be. There is a triathlon this weekend that I
wanted to do, but with no training it wouldn’t be worth it. Yes, my fitness is
shit.
I am taking
5 classes: Bionics (design.) Spaces (design.) Solidworks. Sketching. German.
German:
It’s the same level I have already taken a year ago at SJSU, so I don’t think
it will qualify for credits. It’s the only class with a regular lecture where I
take notes. I have specific homework I can follow which is how I like it. I
hate the design process where it’s wide open and there are a million things to
do all at the same time. When I have homework of pg. 211 exercise 2.2 – 3.4 I
can do it. I work best with specific tasks that I can follow.
Sketching:
The same holds true for this course. It’s the same as I’ve taken before, but
with less instruction, fewer assignments, less feedback. Will it transfer?
Probably not. I suck at sketching so I
need to take this course. I just don’t practice. I spend my time working on
Bionics. Sam is a very good drawer. He does these quick drawings that put mine
to shit. He draws a camera in Photoshop and brags to me about it, making me
feel like shit about my skills. Problem; I don’t like sketching. I don’t want
to sit down and draw for an hour when I’d rather be sitting in a tree picking
at the bark, or banging my head with a hammer.
Solidworks:
The pace of this course is fucking slow. The professor moves way too with his
demo, then I end up only learning one tiny feature, or an aspect of a feature
each day. That’s only one day a week by the way. I figure out more by searching
forums online to solve a problem. The tools I’ve learned here are mostly review
from what I learned last semester at SJSU. It’s so damn frustrating to see the
professor draw something really fast and describe it in German. I can’t follow
his steps visually, and I can’t watch my screen and listen because I CAN’T
FUCKING UNDERSTAND!
Spaces:
I haven’t touched that project in at least two weeks, nor have I gone to the
class. Why go if I have nothing new to show?
Bionics:
Ok, I have at least worked on this project consistently. I have a Solidworks
model completed, even though it’s a very simplified version. I should really
add the connections and materials. My mock up is turning into my final model
because of time. The problem is that it’s shit. I have two colors of felt, the
wood is OSB so it looks cheap and is heavy, and I’ve mixed connection methods.
Snap fasteners and Velcro don’t mix well. I want to try both to see which works
better, but on the same model it ruins the overall look. The pink and green
felt won’t help either. We were supposed to do presentations this week to show
our final direction with mockups, drawings, and research. I have it, but it’s
not up the quality I would like. It’s my own fault. I need to work better,
smarter, faster, more often……
Overall, I
don’t think I’ve really learned anything. How am I supposed to learn very much
when my courses only consist of short chats with the professor, or I have to
ask a question about a software tool that I move on from in 2 minutes? I don’t
have lectures. Or if I do, it’s all stuff I’ve learned back at SJSU and it’s a
review. What’s worse is that I NEED this review. I’m worried that I’ll get back
to SJSU and be set back a semester. I’ll get units for this semester, but
they’ll be empty units that don’t get me closer to graduation. I’m 29 and still
moving through life slowly. People are always surprised when they find out how
old I am. It’s embarrassing to answer when asked how old I am. I look at
pictures of myself and my balding head makes me feel like shit. I’m starting to
LOOK older than my peers. I’m 29 and living in a world 23 year olds. Not only
that, but they’re getting their master’s degree.
I went out
to dinner with some guys to a Mexican restaurant which was super nice. I had
vegetarian fajitas and a virgin mojito (Moskito in German.) It just felt good
to be out of the house/lab and talk with people. Even though most of the time I
was just listening, it was a moment of good times that I needed.
I’m not sure
what my expectations were when moving to Germany. It was an option that sounded
fun, so I went for it. I think I was expecting to learn some crazy new
perspective on design that differs from our views in America. Nope. I haven’t
seen any difference aside from the lack of structure in this school. I was
definitely expecting to travel, which I’ve done. I’ve had some fun moments
exploring areas in Germany. A few churches have really impressed me. A
playground in Wiesbaden had me super stoked. The architecture and history in
Hamburg was pretty cool. A church in Strasbourg, France was pretty awesome.
Just riding around town and seeing back streets and bits of forest around
Darmstadt has been fun too. I’ve met some cool people. I’ve spent time with a
couple Spaniards and a Hungarian at climbing gyms. I’ve shared the greatness of
breakfast burritos with friends too.
It’s hard
for me to see the positive in this experience sometimes. This is a “Study
Abroad” trip by definition, but my studies haven’t proved to be very
successful. I have to kick it into overdrive to get everything done on time. I
have about 4 weeks to finish my two design projects: final models, drawings,
research, presentations, digital and physical.
My mind has
been all over the place: studying, exercising, cooking, social outings, girls.
It gets me down.
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