Friday. 21.3.14

Yesterday I attended a Cultural Panel meeting for exchange students. I was hoping to see more participants. We had 3 Russians, 3 Americans, 2 Greeks, 1 Paraguayan, and Faisal from Jordan who is always late and who left early. We addresses our stereotypes of German people and culture. We introduced ourselves and found commonalities. In introducing ourselves we found out a little about what a “normal” family size is. America is similar to other countries, except Paraguay which usually has a much larger child count. I already new some Latin American countries have families with many kids. Also, we are all similar: you can’t put people into a box. Every culture has a gray scale of conformity. However, you can generalize a culture but the variances always exist, especially among students in a mixed race population.

I walk by this on my way to h_da campus every day. There is a difference between graffiti and tagging. Tagging is shit scribbled on the wall, and this is art.

Moving to San Jose has opened my eyes to more cultures and it’s helped me accept people’s differences quicker. Evangelos is from Greece and he’s very touchy. I knew I would encounter different cultures, so I immediately accepted that this behavior was a Greek thing. It was tough to get used to, but if that’s who he is, I wouldn’t want to offend him by saying that it’s weird. We addressed that among the group by standing up and getting into a comfortable conversational stance. We say how the closeness varies among people. I learned that American’s are a no-touch culture. I didn’t every think about it. I knew that I prefer shaking hands over immediate hugs with strangers, and the Spanish cheek kissing. I guess I’m very American in that sense. We stand a bit further apart when speaking, and I personally will angle myself when someone is too close. I guess it’s a way for me to feel like I have an exit route. Russians are a bit more comfortable with close distances. That could be just with the women/woman contact that we tested in the group, but I think it works for most of the population. The whole discussion was interesting.

With Germans I learned that they’re coconuts. They have a hard shell that’s hard to penetrate and it takes time to create a true friendship. Germans keep their private lives close and don’t have work friends. In America, people do create friendships at work and many socialize together after they punch the clock at 5. Not in Germany. They thought of having a best work friend is a foreign concept. I can see how separating work from personal life can be beneficial. Work is work, don’t take it personally. For me, if I’m going to spend that much time at work I would want to get to know the people. Again, that’s American culture differing from German. Some cultures are like peaches where it’s easy to create friendships and get to know someone. Mixing peaches and coconuts can create problems. A peach will welcome a coconut in quickly to be friendly and helpful, but the coconut will interpret that as a true friend and begin acting like the friendship is deeper than it is. Peaches would say “we’ll get a beer sometime.” That’s not actually a true invitation for beer in the next few days. It’s a gesture of kindness that may or may not happen. Peaches understand that. If you say that to a German, you better be ready to act on it.

I know Vince has experienced that peach/coconut problem with friends.

“Want to go to the lake for the weekend and drink some beers?”

             “Ya, that sounds awesome. We should totally do that.”

             “OK. I’ll plan it and we’ll make it happen.”

Yeah yeah.  People do that shit and then back out when the occasion actually comes to fruition. That’s peach culture making a bad fruit salad. I guess we’ll all learn which fruit our friends are and plan accordingly. It’s important to know this because it can lead to great disappointments. I like to think I’m a “go” type of person. I won’t lie and say yes to something that I don’t truly thin will happen. Again, I’m at fault for doing accepting the “polite peach” invitation. Oh well. We’re Americans, so nobody will get pissed. Just Vince and Germans.

Time is a delicious piece of cake for Germans. Don’t fuck with it. If they set aside time for you and your ass shows up late, you just smashed and pissed on the slice of cake. Americans aren’t too bad, but Spaniards and Hungarians are pretty bad. Coffee at 4 could turn into coffee at 5:30. I say that’s just rude. I wouldn’t wait that long. Middle Easterners are late people too. I guess it’s normal for Faisal to be late all the time. I was told he shows up late to class all the time. He did so for our cultural panel and still left early. I like German time. If you say dinner is at 5, it means 5. Be here to kick rocks! I think my “early is on time, and on time is late” philosophy comes from Dad. It works for me, and I prefer to be 5 to 10 minutes early so I’m not the one holding anyone up. GRAY ZONE. Americans aren't punctual like Germans, but there not the worst and I may a bit off the typical American scale.

The biggest piece of learning from the whole thing: Be aware of stereotypes and think about the source. Was it from past experience? Did you see it somewhere? Did someone tell you about it? Did you read about it? See it in a movie? There is always a gray zone to account for individuality. Pay attention, and be aware when you’re making judgments. I will say that being from California has helped with this more than being American.

OK. About today. I took a test in German class which I wasn’t prepared for. Our teacher told the class yesterday to write test questions for homework, and that we would “write” the test today. To write a test in America means to create it. It’s also a logical conclusion from being given the homework to write questions. It turns out that “writing” a test in Germany is what we call “taking” a test. I showed up, having not studies, and learned that today was test day. Lauren, who had been in class Thursday chose not to show up because she wanted to get more sleep and relax. I sent her a message that there had been a communication problem, and that she had better get her but down to h_da to take the test. She made it on time and it was all OK.

After the test we had normal class as usual with new learning goals. I could not handle it. My brain is getting fried trying to absorb all this German. I became frustrated, nervous, angry, scatter-brained. I couldn't focus, I couldn't remember what the teacher was saying, I had to ask a lot of stupid questions and have her repeat things after she had already moved on. I can’t write fast enough notes to keep up. I can’t repeat simple sentences. I can’t understand things that I should know. I’m having a hard time retaining all this. Yes, I should study more, stay on top of it. Problem: THE BOOK HAS NO FUCKING ENGLISH!!! How am I supposed to learn a language with no English translation? Reading the book is such torture when I have to type is all in google.translate to make sense of it. Still, google.translate doesn't work perfect and errors still occur. It’s a pain, and my brain just doesn't retain this kind of information. I’m not the worst student in class, but I expect more from me. It’s hard to study; it’s frustrating, slow, and demoralizing.

Jonas tried the long line but needed help getting started. So did I, and I still crashed. I can't remember the guy's name in the white shirt, but he's also super nice and is into climbing. 

I needed a break badly. On the way home I walked with Lili to the Rosenhohe which is the park in the middle of town. She went off to meet other exchange students and others at a bbq. I made a detour to check out some slacklines. A group had set up 3 lines between 4 trees making a U of fun. It was sunny and warm so I decided to make some friends. I stood around, slowly walked up, and gestured/asked if I could give it a try. The guys were TU students which is located right next to the park. TU is the Technical University of Darmstadt. These guys were super nice and let me walk the line as much as I wanted. Their English is very good, and I felt bad that I didn’t speak more German. Jonas, one of the guys, was a bit surprised that I didn’t know much German. That’s what made me feel like a rude foreigner. It’s not unfounded, but I am making an effort. I tried to use German when I could, but I am not at the conversational level yet. Unless I’m introducing myself or ordering food, I can only say so much. Talking about slacklining, sports, hobbies, school, and specific activities like rock climbing are hard. I don’t have the vocabulary for any of that. Still, the guys were nice and we did talk about music, venues, rock climbing, and Jonas and I exchanged numbers in case we want to go see a punk show together. He said most of the other TU students aren’t into the same things. Duh, engineers are all a bunch of nerds who play video games and listen to electronic music. Just like Vince! Gray Zone.

Making friends is tough. I’m amazed at the myriad ways it can be done. Slacklining of all things may be that method. I was bummed that I didn’t bring mine, but it’s been a great way to meet people in the park. People who like slacklining are usually climbers who enjoy the outdoors. The two activities go hand in hand. With my basic skill, I can show up and hang out simply by sharing an enjoyed activity. I walked away from the park really happy. I am so lucky the young population of Germany speaks English.

As Americans I don’t think we appreciate English’s impact enough. We aren't forced to learn a second language like the rest of the world. We live comfortably not realizing how important a common language is. English is the world Language. The problem for me is choosing a second language. In California, Spanish is the most practical with the influx of Mexicans and Latin Americans. But what about beyond that? French? German? Russian? Hindi? Portuguese? Without a defined goal or destination, learning a new language doesn't really serve a purpose strong enough to stay motivated. Until you leave a country and try to live, there’s no real reason to learn a second language. Outside the U.S. it’s another story. Young Germans are almost fluent English speakers, and probably know a 3^rd. They also know more about American politics than we do, but that’s another topic.

I went to Sam and Lauren's for game night with Jonny (h_da buddy.) This is way different from other games I've played. The goal is to obtain resources, build roads, barter for resources, and gain points. I think I fully understand it. It was fun toward the end, but it took a while to understand it. I couldn't tell you what it's called, but it's a German game.